Buddhists Do Scratch Their Heads Too

Waaaaah. My patience is running out.

Effort. I need deliberate effort to learn to like this person, who keeps throwing stupid questions at me.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Where can I get this so-called effort? Please.

On my second day of fasting, I followed the guidelines given to me by my mate and started reading the bible scriptures written below Day 2.

I didn't understand the scriptures one bit. So I ended the session by overlooking the prayer points that I need to focus on and asked God for something else...

"God, please help me understand your words next time. Thank you."

A friend owes me money and the amount is worth around one unit of Apple iPod Nano.  As you know, I'm stupid when it comes to these things. I have no guts to ask her straight to pay me the money.

This is what I'm planning to do. I'll put a status on my IM and make sure she's online when I put it up. It will read "I'm broke."

Will she get what I'm trying to convey?

Bullet train. That's how I'm going to describe the pace of how my life is running right now. There are some things I gave up, some things I grabbed, some things I let go and some things I accepted. Then there are some things I need to prepare for, some things I need to just believe, some things I'm uncertain about.

I'm moving to a new place.
I convinced myself that I need to let go of my desire to get Flik and just focus on what I have.
I realized I'm quite happy with that decision.
I have an upcoming trip.
I got a new lens.
I am working on my secret plan once again.
I am about to embark on a 2-week fast
I am trying hard not to take my colleague's stupid questions too personally and that it is part of my job to help him enhance his skills professionally.

And I think I'm doing well....

A few weeks ago, I received an SMS from Flik. My eyes sparked upon seeing his name popped out from my mobile screen.

This is what it said: Hi brothers and sisters. Let's celebrate God's power once again. May I know your prayer requests? Incidentally, he is in charge of compiling the group's prayer requests.

My eyes went from sparkling to droopy. Reading that SMS feels as if a block of cement dropped on my head just when I am about to lick a scoop of mint chocolate ice cream. I am not special just as I hope it to be and I am just one of his church mates.

My prayer is you. But I can't get my fingers to compose that message.

The truth is, I am a little less than in love with Flik. 

That's why I am a Christian now.
The funny thing is, he is not interested with me.
Because his life revolves around God and church and God only.
The second funny thing is, I still went for it despite the fact.
I like him, he doesn't like me.
I turn into a Christian, he still doesn't like me.
I am a poor girl.
Simple as that.

I am beginning to love God though. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to cry.