Buddhists Do Scratch Their Heads Too

I am stressed. Strangely though, I am happy.

Being stressed means...
1.) I can drown myself with lots of work and forget that I'm just another lonely soul come Valentines day.

2.) The butterflies in my stomache are causing me to poop more often than what I need. For a constipated girl like me, being able to poop is like winning the lottery. It's truly a winning moment.

3.) I have a good excuse too drink a cup of hot chocolate every morning and I don't have to feel guilty about it because I am pooping non-stop and I have new pets in my stomache that I need to feed.

The only drawback is: I am too busy I have no time to poop or pee.  This is crazy.

Dear handyphone,

You have been acting very strange lately. Unless you are afflicted with Alzheimers, I cannot see why you keep forgetting to deliver my messages. You used to be quiet I know. You do not have many friends that's a fact but that doesn't give you the right to choke all the remaining two or three messages I am suppose to receive daily altogether.

Your failure to deliver is not only affecting our relationship. It is also affecting my relationship with my friends. Now they are nagging at me, accusing me even for not responding to their SMSes when in reality I have not received any. It's all your fault. Where have you been throwing all my messages?

Are you sick? Because if you are, I may need to come up with some course of action. Either I dispatch you heartlessly just like my mom did to our cat years ago or I attempt to rescue you from your goddamn disease, which to be quite honest I have yet to figure out.

I am disappointed. You are no different from the rest. Remember when I first bought you? You promised me the moon and the stars. Now, you are not only taking away the moon and the stars, you are also taking away the only flashlight I have. You, thief, you!

I want you to reflect on yourself. I want you to review what diligence truly means. You can keep the flashlight with you just as long as you give me back my moon and my stars. May this serve as a warning. Should you fail to perform your duties on the next few days, I may have to cut off the relationship we may have.

Love,
Milktea

Today, I am not in my usual anti-social self. I went out with my two best friends and chatted the whole night with them. One of them is making a fuss over something - whether she should spend her birthday weekend with colleagues or with family. The other is making a fuss over another thing - whether she should tell her boyfriend when she could meet his friends. While I on the other am busily eating grilled fish and thinking what time should I sleep later.

Truth is, if there's something I've been fussing over, it's that I have nothing serious to fuss about. My life completely revolves around three things: 1.) Working, 2.)Sleeping and 3.)Taking a shower. I don't know but it seems that if I don't catch myself at work or in bed, I just end up finding myself  inside the bathroom scrubbing and hoping that soon my dandruff go away.  And it's just pretty weird to tell my friends that the only things I'm fussing over are my dandruff and my sleeping time when they have something more significant to share.

It's not that life is uneventful. It's just that I am the kind of person who thinks that everything is no big deal or they should not be talked about, which is sad, because the lesser you share, the lesser you feel alive.

This week work was hell but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it so I kept silence. Also, this week I chatted with a friend who treated me coldly and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it so I kept silence. When there is something wrong, I choose to keep silence and It's like eating a rotten banana. While everyone are puking their guts out and telling the whole world how bad the banana tastes, I'm swallowing it, hoping it will melt away, unwilling to spill it out for fear of staining the floor.

I think I already swallowed a thousand rotten bananas and I have not done anything about it. Sometimes I'm just miserable.

The sad part about working on a night shift is this: You have nobody to talk to except your equally sleepy colleagues. And that's just sad because if you are going to talk to people who are either banging their head on the keyboard or rubbing their eyes in front of the computer, you just might as well lock inside the bathroom and declaim a speech all by yourself.

When I still consider myself as part of the community, meaning when I can still catch  the mall open, I can log into my instant messenger and choose from a list of friends that I can chat with. And because it is daytime and people are actually awake, I get real-time replies. I can ask everyone what did he/she eat for lunch and I can make a party menu out of their answers.

What I enjoy the most is the fact that I can choose who I want to ignore or reply to. It's like eating on a buffet. You have all kind of food displayed in front of you and you can choose what you want and what you don't want and you can be picky because you know you're never going to run out of people to talk to.

But as they say, all good things must come to an end. Now that I belong to the minority. My online friends list at night is limited to 1.)a former colleague whom I don't even remember the surname and 2.)an acquaintance who once told me that she has no roommate because she has her own room, which to be quite honest, I don't really care. 3.) And some random others whom I cannot recognize anymore.

I am left with nothing. No sunlight. No lunch breaks at the nearby coffee shops. No bookstores to go to. Saddest of all, no online friends to chat with. At times when I am really really bored and lonely and itching to talk, I am tempted to talk to these people. Beggars can't be choosers and if you are too hungry, you don't care whether the one in front of you is a cookie or a turd anymore. I might have been eating a lot of turds lately but who cares when you're not even seeing the sunlight?

My social life is cool.

PS. I am going through a weird-phase right now called "I Want A Baby" phase. Check out the contents of my Media Blog and tell me how cool or strange I am.

If a new year's resolution were a job contract, I must have been sued and have gone in and out of the jail so many times. 

Then again, it isn't. So I spent my free time today coming up with one. My new year's resolution is to eat less junk food.

Then again again, nobody should ever take my resolution seriously anyway.