Buddhists Do Scratch Their Heads Too

I suck at relationships. Sometimes, I'd really rather just curl up in bed and rot than meet up with friends. Damn, I'd even choose standing in front of the mirror, stare at myself and wonder why God has made my cheeks so chubby.

It's not as if he has a surplus of cheeks fat in his production room does he? I imagine God while molding me murmuring to himself  "alright, this bitch will lack a lot of interpersonal skills as an adult. She'll be someone who loves turning down people and she won't have much social life. To compensate for her lack of interpersonal skills, I'll make her cheeks fuller." Tadah! Twenty six years later, I have fat cheeks and indeed, I have a shitty social life.

I don't know if it's just me but going out with friends sucks the energy out of me. It's always considered a stressful task to listen to their stories and it's even more stressful to smile at times when I don't feel like smiling. If my friends are a type of sucking-machine, I am positive they are the high-intensity type of vacuum cleaners - one sweep, all dust sucked.

But I do love my friends don't get me wrong. I miss them and I'd occasionally send them a message to say 'hi'. Yet most of the time, I just don't bother. Our conversation always revolves around they trying to convince me to come out of my cage and I turning them down.

Friend: Milktea, haven't catched up with you lately. Let's have dinner tomorrow, ok?
Milktea: Ahmmmm... I'll check.
Friend: Ok. *smile*

The next day...

Friend: Milktea, dinner later?
Milktea: Ahmmmm... I am too lazy to drive.
Friend: Ok, I'll drive.
Milktea: Nah, I want to sleep.
Friend: We haven't met for more than two weeks now. Stop being a primadonna.
Milktea: Mmmm.. next time?
Friend: I hate you.

This kind of conversation goes on and on every two weeks or so. They never get tired of asking. I never get tired of turning them down. If anything, I am tired of forming excuses after excuses. After a while, too lazy to drive just won't do well as an excuse.

Now that I have a night job, I thankfully do not have to formulate excuses and I don't have to feel guilty anymore. I can simply  tell them, Oh I have work tonight, I can't have dinner with you guys. They will understand. I am happy for not having to reject people. They're happy because nobody rejects them.

I conclude therefore that night-shift job is good for me and my friends.









It's been one whole month in my new job and I only met my friends once. Come to think of it, I quite miss the girls. Funny, ain't it?

I was once swindled by a doctor. It sounds a little bit far-fetched as we always associate doctors to being kind and gentle. Putting a swindler to their name is like making a wolf out of a puppy. Sad to say, things are not always what they seem to be. I for instance was a victim of their docile looks.

Once when I went to China, the tour guide brought us to a chinese medicine center. There they offer to have our pulse checked for free by chinese doctors. Afterwhich, these doctors would then suggest what kind of medicine should we take to improve our condition.

Being the sucker for freebies, I obliged to have my pulse checked by a kindly old doctor. Silently, I told myself I am not going to buy any medicine from them. It is a fact that they charge expensively from tourists and I refuse even from the start to be one of their victims. I followed the old doctor all the way to his clinic. Inside the clinic was a younger doctor waiting for us who will also work as the interpreter in case I find it hard to converse in mandarin.

After checking my pulse, the first thing the old chinese doctor said, "You have a bad digestive system."

I was impressed. If there is one aspect in my health that I consider weak, it's my stomache. My stomache and I are mortal enemies. Sometimes, I am full of gas I think I can inflate a balloon by just farting. Other times, I am constipated to the point of depression. It is clear to you what kind of relationship I have with my poop and having a kind chinese doctor affirm that is like finding an ally in the middle of the battle. It is a reassuring moment. Finally, somebody understands I thought.

He continued, "There is great imbalance inside your system. The Yin and Yang. The right side is stronger than the left side. This imbalance creates fire. This fire eats up your system and that is not good." I have been always negligent about my stomache's stubbornness. But hearing him say the words "fire", "great imbalance", "eats up your system" kind of gave me the creeps. Suddenly, I imagined millions of cells inside my intestine screaming "fire! fire!" and running busily like Jack and Jill each fetching a pail of water to appease the fire. It's threatening. Really.

He pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled something, the old doctor. To make a long story short, he wanted me to buy three bottles of medicine. I silently calculated my remaining money and knew in an instant I cannot afford to buy all of them. Taking the piece of paper means you agree to buy the medicines. "No, no, no!" I pushed away the piece of paper as far as my arm can manage, "It's too expensive."  I honestly said.

The younger doctor spoke, "This is not expensive. This is for your health. Look... blah blah blah."  He went on to explain how it is already a bargain on my part to buy from them.

"No, no, no, no..." I pushed for the second time grabbing my bag tightly to show them how I am decided not to be swindled. At this point the older doctor charged once again, "You don't understand. You may not be seeing the effect now because you are still young. Right now, the fire inside your system is not yet that intense. Once you get old, you'll regret not taking care of yourself. You'll regret not placating the fire inside you. I tell you, this is serious. There is fire."

I was caught silent. Fire? Fire inside my system? While the old and the young spoke in chorus - one in mandarin, one in english, I once again imagined the fire inside my digestive system. Both doctors having their own speech as to how I should not neglect my health, how there's fire, how there's imbalance, how I should take care of my health and that money is not important if I don't have good health.

Finally, I yielded. In the end, I had to buy at least a bottle just so I can leave and keep them silent. To tell you the truth, the 'fire' did it.

-- To Be Continued --



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are having abdominal pain the Internet makes it possible for you to find plenty of medical information from the comfort of home. However if any kind of pain lingers then you'll need more than just health info and you should consult a certified physician about abdominal pain or whatever ails you.

A lot of times I stare myself at the mirror and I'd start hating those fluffy cheeks. And if it just don't t hurt, I am dying to slice it off like a piece of meat and feed it to the homeless. I am pretty sure it will taste good. The homeless will be happy. I will be happy. I hope life is that easy.

Hi, I am milktea's imaginary sister. I came out from her nose and grew exactly to be like her in a matter of seconds. It happened all in a poof and words cannot explain how it took place. Let's just say I am her bodyless clone but smarter and probably prettier. I am thankful though milktea didn't kill me when she discovered I was alive. She took care of me and put me inside a box. Since then, I became her best friend. 

Currently, milktea is very busy wallowing herself in self-pity. I can't really tell you what she's up to lately. She could be hammering her head or pricking her pimples in front of the mirror but who cares? I have a life of my own too. All the girl does is whine. Sometimes, I just wish I could swat her like a mosquito.

The other day, I caught her pulling her hair while watching TV. I scurried to her immediately and tried to stop her. I told her "milktea, stop hurting yourself. It's not yet the end of the world. Why hurt yourself ?" She looked at me with utter disdain and told me she was pulling her hair because she has a lot of dandruff lately. She said she just wanted to ease the itchiness by stretching her hair follicles whatever that means. I was embarrassed. I thought she's on the verge of killing herself.

We had a heart to heart talk after that. She revealed to me how she thinks life is so empty. She's crazy. Whose life is full anyway? Even Michael Jackson has his fair share of trials. I don't know what that milktea girl is sulking about. I don't understand why she keeps feeling empty when all I could see everyday is the bulk of fats in her butt. How can she say she's empty when she's so full of meat?

Since she'll be away for a while. I am going to be the guest blogger. Yes, I may not be as whiny as her or frivolous as her artworks but I am cooler, better and definitely less bitter. Remember the girl she wrote about who cooks bad spaghetti? Honestly, I too tried the spaghetti and to tell you the truth, it wasn't that bad. It's nothing extraordinary but it's not that bad. Although I still prefer milktea's pesto over the girl's spaghetti and I am not saying that because I am her imaginary sister.

Another thing, I am a smarter than milktea. I am more intellectual and I bet you guys will like me better. For instance, I know who came first, the chicken or the egg and I also know how to make a bird origami. Does milktea know about that? I bet she doesn't. I also told milktea if she can't fix herself, I'll take over her blog and be this blog's master. I don't know if that's ok with you but it's ok with me. If you have anything you'd like me to relay to milktea, feel free to leave a message. For the time being, it's me whom you're going to deal with.

Love,
Milktea's Clone

I totally understand why God would not want to create a perfect human being. The existence of a perfect human being breeds envy. People would despise a perfection like him and would most likely start throwing tomatoes at him. God doesn't want that.

He doesn't want us to get involved in senseless chaos like that. He's okay with people suffering from incurable diseases like AIDS or thousands of people dying innocently due to tsunami or hurricane but he will not condone the act of envying and throwing tomatoes at each other. With that, I forgive him.

But as to why he cannot create a perfect weather, which to me simply means a weather that's not too hot and not too cold, I for the life of me cannot figure out. My workplace is freezing cold and it doesn't help that I wear a jacket and I drink 4 to 5 cups of hot tea all day long.

I just want the right temperature such that I no longer have to look like a giant pear walking in my jacket. Is that asking too much? It's not like a perfect weather would make AIDS more incurable? It's not like a perfect weather can make fur jackets unfashionable? What is God's problem? huhhhh? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. *throw a fit*

This is so far the best and most bitter comment I got.... and I want to thank my dear IML for taking time to post it for dear milktea.

"Milktea, clearly this girl isn't fit to live. She should have to clean up after you've cooked a spaghetti dinner for him. She should be forced to read Kafka in a quiet room for one month. No TV. No chick flicks. She should have to sit in a room with a one-way window and watch all her friends gossip about her. And she should be unceremoniously dumped on her fat ass by your guy and watch you walk away with him. And you, of course, will gloat."

As for the people who voted mud wrestling, I'm hurt. Clearly, you guys don't care about my safety. I feel so unloved. *sniff sniff*.

By the way, I am undergoing a stage of vulnerability right now. I'm all empty and hollow so please bear with my over reaction.

By the way, I noticed I have been slacking with my artworks lately. Any suggestions? Is there anything you guys want to see, say, I want to see a picture of milktea frowning over a plate of bad spaghetti? Any Ideas? Wishes?