Buddhists Do Scratch Their Heads Too

Between a clogged nose and a clogged toilet bowl, which would you choose?


I choose clogged nose.


With a clogged nose, it doesn't matter anymore if I get a clogged toilet bowl since I can't smell anything anyway.
With a clogged toilet bowl, I am going to die of nose disease eventually and it could be worse than a clogged nose.
mwaharnharnharnhar... (this is the sound of someone with a clogged nose)



It's almost like sacrificing yourself to save the many. Or choosing the wrong thing for the right reason. Or choosing the lesser evil between two evils. Or [insert any quote more appropriate here]



Don't tell me things I know already. I am smart and I am making a lot of sense, I know.

I seldom talk about my nightlife not because I don't have one (although that is partly true) but because revealing my nightlife is equivalent to opening up a peephole to my disgusting side for the world to see. I mean, seriously, if Rome wasn't built overnight, so is my blog reputation. I did not shed blood and tears all these months trying to look cool only to end up digging my own grave.

Besides, I don't think it is proper for a girl like me to reveal that the usual night-out for me is either spent ...

• going to the gym alone hitting the machines desperately without socks; or
• spending time with my girlfriends talking shit, listening to shit and exchanging shit over coffee while we devour a slice of cheesecake each; or
  
• how one time we almost punched each other's nose to bleed fighting over a bucket of popcorn and blaming each other for agreeing to share a bucket when we clearly wanted one bucket of popcorn for each person in the first place. Had it not for Brad Pitt, my girlfriends and I are probably confined in a psych ward at this moment for fighting over a bucket of popcorn. inside the moviehouse. at age 26.

[ * Shit = Any combination of the following: Boys, Nosy Colleague, Career Path, Boss Rants, Complaints, Complaints and more Complaints....*]

I guess that explains why my nightlife is better remained unsaid because apart from its very digusting nature, it is not very exciting to talk about. What makes it unique however is the kind of friendship I have with the girls. Because we never fight about boys like normal girls do nor we diss each others clothes like normal girls do. We only fight over a bucket of popcorn and talk a lot of shit.

Last friday evening, I had a feeling God was smashed to comatose by satan when I saw my best friend (who bakes salty green tea cookies) arrived with a date. As expected, the nosy obliging best friend that I am secretly assessed the guy and scrutinized him from head to toe. Despite the dimly-lit ambiance of the bar, I can safely assume that this guy is not a retard or a blind, which I rather find it all the more puzzling because if he is not a retard yet he is  head-over-heels in love with my best friend (who bakes salty green tea cookies), then he should be what, a guy with a strange taste buds who enjoys salty green tea cookies? mwahahaha. Seriously other than my doubt that this guy has a serious problem with his taste buds, I can safely assume he is a perfectly normal guy and I am glad that my best friend found him.

For me this night-out is what I will call a perfect night-out. The presence of perfectly normal guy helped made the rest of the girls behave rather abnormally (which is why I think it's perfect). No normal shit talks from the girls. No normal gluttony from the girls and most specially, no normal fighting over popcorn from the girls. Instead, the girls talked about music and movies. The girls shared a plate of squid rings. The girls smiled and talked prim. The girls even had free drinks courtesy of perfectly normal guy.

For the first time since God knows when, I spent a perfect night-out free of shitty talks. I am so contented.

Conclusion:
1. I need more perfectly normal guys to make my night-outs perfect.
2. Girls are hypocrites.

A LOVE LETTER

Dear Milktea,

Allow me to thank you for inspiring me so much with your recent cockroach theory entry. It drastically changed my outlook in life. I feel like I can conquer the world (of insects) now with my two hands.

However, just as you said, we don't just face cockroach all the time. Sometimes we are faced with a bigger monster and you mentioned about a dinosaur theory. One of my fear is to wake up one morning to see a dinosaur under my bed. How should I deal with this? Please enlighten me.

Love,
Your imaginary friend



THE GIST

THE REPLY

Dear my imaginary friend,

In the context of spatial relations, a dinosaur can only fit under a bed that is equally as gigantic as him. If, by any chance, you are sleeping on top of a gigantic bed that can accomodate a dinosaur, chances are you are gigantic too.

Logic tells me there is no plausible reason why you should be afraid of meeting a dinosaur someday when in the first place the unwanted things you see under your gigantic bed are directly proportional to your size and capability. Suffice it to say, you will never ever meet something bigger than you under your bed.

If you are a christian which I am not, you probably must have heard one of their famous preaching statement, "God won't give you something you can't manage." which for once I must agree. Basically it means that if God gave you cancer, he probably thinks you are not vain enough to care about hair loss. If he gave you excess weight, he probably thinks you are cute enough to manage being loveable even with a big fat ass. If he gave you a gigantic dinosaur to play with under your equally gigantic bed, he probably thinks you are playful/skillful enough to beat him (or you are useless/loser enough to serve as the dinosaur's prey). Be rest-assured, you can beat that dinosaur at a snap of a finger just as easily as the average people do with their cockroach.

However, I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, my imaginary friend. Because you did not specifically state what type of frame you belong, let us assume that some quirky twist of fate led you to this gigantic bed even if you are relatively tinier than expected. How do you deal with a dinosaur you ask. According to Sun Tzu's Art of war, one must strike his enemy at his weakest point.

Case in point, a dinosaur may be intimidating and huge by size. But being huge has its disadvantages too like having a huge nose and lacking the agility to run when caught.  Given these parameters, I shall give you one strategic set of instructions to beat him...

1.) Tiptoe your way near him.



2.) Make sure you locate yourself in front of his huge nose.



3.) Inhale deeply like you are going to sing one of Mariah Carey's song.



4.) Double check that you are in front of his huge nose



5.) Exhale all the morning breath you can summon straight to his nose. Repeat #2 to #5.



I assure you if he doesn't get killed by your morning breath, he's going to faint before he can even pull his tail up to run. It helps if you don't brush your teeth every night.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Love,
Milktea

I was wiping off the last bit of tomato sauce from the corner of my mouth when she pulled out a jar from the paperbag she was clutching inconspicuously since we arrived. "What's that?" I inquired.

"It's for you sweetie. I prepared something for your birthday." My best friend revealed as she snapped open the lid of the jar.

"Oooh, how sweet." Rubbing my two palms together enthusiastically, I picked out a few pieces from the jar and shoved it straight to my mouth.

"I hope it tastes good though." she grinned sheepishly while she watched me eat, "I ran out of UNSALTED butter required by the recipe so I used SALTED butter instead."

"Of course it tastes good." I assured her. "It doesn't need a psychic to guess this are green tea chips you got for me - greentea-ish, salty, crunchy. Darling, this is a brilliant subtitute for potato chips. don't you think?"

"Actually", she added, "It's supposed to be green tea cookies."

I flustered, "I see. I guess you just have to make it sweeter next time. They say love is sweeter the next time around. So are green tea cookies."

I ate a few more before my best friend finally decided to put back the jar inside the paper bag and dispatch the remaining once she gets home.

So, I am 26 now. Spending my birthday attending an early mass with my family while I thanked the Lord for the twenty six lovely years was tiring. Crap! backspace backspace backspace....

So, I am 26 now. Spending my birthday eve at the beach surrounded by my friends while we danced under the moonlight was tiring. Crap! backspace backspace backspace....

So, I am 26 now. Spending my birthday in front of the computer converting thirty three artworks to JPEG format, resizing it, uploading it and creating a birthday blog entry was tiring. There. That's more like it.

LOOK!
Thirty Three artworks from all you wonderful people. Thirty Three bloody artworks to convert, resize, upload, compile, link and put comment to.

Holy Shit!

Suddenly, I am finding washing my brothers' socks much more appealing now.

Thirty three bloody artworks? I could just pretended I didn't say anything about a birthday exhibit and kept all the artworks to myself to enjoy. I could just cheated and chose the easy way. but no, how can I sleep soundly at night? There is this strange voice screaming inside my head that wants me to finish it all - convert, resize, upload, link, comment times 33. You do the math.

Initially I planned to finish this entry on my birthday. But 2 hours after, I am just halfway through and my eyes are burning already. Besides, I have a life too. I am busy too. I am busy opening up the 3 gifts I got and reminding the rest of my friends it's my birthday. What do you expect? Today, I spent another 3 or 4 hours rounding this up. Hence, the delay.

You better like it. You better tell me what a wonderful gallery I did. This is a labor of love so you better...

For those people who don't have any idea what I'm talking about, read this first.

T-h-e   G-a-l-l-e-r-y

Chiing!!!! *magic sound*
Feel free to navigate from one thumbnail to another. Click the thumbnail to see the actual work and click the double arrow (>>) for my comments. I understand it is important for all you aspiring artists to get some points of enlightenment from someone more experienced. Here it is. I am sharing you my comments so you may learn from me.
Caveat: You must be able to handle constructive criticism.

 

by: sunset  >>	by:zhen  >>	by: kisekino  >>	by: ironix  >>	by: daze >>
by: howard  >>	by: transience  >>	by: velcrokat   >>	by: trompe  >>	by: passerby  >>
by: naddie  >>	by: m.e.   >>	by: klm  >>	by: jenius  >>	by: iml  >>
by: indigo  >>	by: stallion  >>	by: gaston  >>	by: fad3  >>	by: denimfairy  >>
by: colosus75  >>	by: colusus75  >>	by: caleb  >>	by: anonymous >>	by: alien  >>
by: sharon  >>	by: kush  >>	by:evernal  >>	by: jaywalk  >>	by: vanisia  >>

PS. I hope I didn't miss anybody. Shoot me an email if I did.


B-e-s-t   L-i-n-e-s
Honestly, I am disappointed with you guys. Remember the dialog box after you click 'save and send' where you fill up the recipient's name, an email address and a dedication? Apparently, 80% of you are too lazy to leave something creative.

I can tell you what's inside the mail without even opening it - "Dear Milktea, Check out my painting! happy birthday!". I'd feel so lucky already if I can get an additional line, "Milktea, Hope you like it." 

How boring? Since when did you become boring guys? Tell me! I am so disappointed. Except for two artists. I shall declare their dedications as best lines.

Dedication #1: from the bitchy cowboy...

"Hey check out the painting I made. Quit hormoaning!"
[Bitchy. Straightforward. Precise. I like.]

Dedication #2: from the sexy indianstallion...

"If this doesn't make you happy, nothing will."
[Oozing with confidence. Oozing with optimism. I like.]

Props to these two artists!


F-a-v-o-r-i-t-e-s

	by indigo because I love snow and his work is very original
	by naddie because the idea of sending a birthday cake through a boat sounds so romantic I can only get it online.
	by alien because rarely do I get a birthday rap song from a  character in a painting - a character in a painting that looks exactly like the painter.
	by indianstallion because hours before I hit the post button, I received a threatening mail from the stallion. It says if I don't put up his artwork as one of my favorites, I will not be able to ride a stallion ever in my life. I was scared. really scared. So I'm giving his name and his artwork a very SPECIAL MENTION. In fact, i'm going to mention him again - indianstallion, indianstallion, indianstallion. There. I feel safer. And I think his work is really really really COOL. Btw, if you guys haven't checked out his blog yet. Go check him out. He is ONE GENIUS.

The W-I-N-N-E-R

The criteria for judging is:
1%  Creativity
1%  Originality
1%  Choice of Color
1%  Appropriateness to the Theme
96% Just because it pleases Milktea's eyes.


Ready?




The Winner is .....



Yes, Jenius is one of my earliest earliest blog friends way back 2003. Yes, Jenius once sent me a 'The Matrix' DVD all the way from New York. Yes, Jenius is one of my best blog friends who truly understands me.

But no, this is not favoritism. Accept it. Her artwork is the only artwork that will not give you a headache trying to guess what is it. It doesn't need captioning.

Look at the details and the color and the cake.... the cake that will not make me gain weight when eaten. For some reason, I am reminded of the saying, "You can have your cake and eat it too." mwahahahaahah!

Jenius, You are the winner. I'll send you the award in a few days.

Guys, Thank you very much for joining. My face must have switched face with the computer but I enjoyed it. Thank you especially the anonymous senders who took time to send their artworks. Thank you Thank you Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I owe you one. You made my birthday fun.


A-f-t-e-r-t-h-o-u-g-h-t

1. That Birds of the Same Feathers Flock Together.
You are all wonderful artists that's why we are friends.

2. That what Indigo said "Be careful what you wish for." was very apt.
Although I think what's more apt is... "You reap what you sow." I asked for artworks. I suffer compiling them. Dammit.

3. That there are some people who are intimidated with artworks...
Don't worry guys. Next year the birthday project will be "Write an essay how to boost economy in a third world country." Let's push through the original theme. Include graphs and statistics if needed.

4. That I need a secretary.
I went through hell doing just this. I need a secretary.

5. That you love me and I love you more.
Damn, do I need to say more? You each give me one artwork and I give you back all 33.

Happy Birthday To Me.

[Update: 34 artworks.... july 14, 2005]


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If your child is interested in arts and crafts then one way you can easily provide them with is coloring pages, thanks to all the free resources for arts and crafts you can find on the Web. You can also find themed coloring pages of various sorts, such as ones with birthday cakes or holidays.